PREVENTION OF SEXUAL BOREDOM
• Start a new interest in life; take up a hobby; go to an evening class; do something that you have always wanted to do, and not necessarily with your partner. Examine your job and see if you could get more out of it or put more into it. If as a result of any of these things you become more interesting to yourself or your partner you are on the way to preventing sexual boredom.
• Try to be more spontaneous and, if necessary, get professional help to overcome any personality problems that are holding you back.
• Try something different. When did you last explore something new in your sexual relationship? You have probably, without consciously realizing it, settled for less than the best. But in the search for novelty don’t throw out or jeopardize your existing, if routine, pleasures. Our interest in new things has to be traded off against the security of the familiar and reliable. Too much hectic change is unsettling in sexual matters as elsewhere in life.
• Be yourself. Stop trying to be something your partner wants-exert your own needs and desires. Don’t hide your feelings – it’s sexier to reveal them to your lover. You need to be selfish at least to some extent if you are to prevent boredom. Unfortunately, we are brought up to be reticent about what we would most like and often settle for far less.
• Share your fantasies. The most important sex organ is the mind! Be wary, though, about what and how you share. Be sensitive to your partner, especially if your fantasies involve someone of the opposite sex whom he or she knows. Many women especially fear that today’s fantasy could become tomorrow’s fact-though this rarely occurs.
• Go for the best at all times. Get away from stereotypes and make your love-making unique to you as a couple. This is true romance. It also makes it less likely that either of you will look outside for sexual pleasures -if only because the chances are that you will be getting more fulfilling sex at home.
• Talk to each other about what is important to you-and not just regarding sex. Make time to share what really matters to each of you in life. As you explore each other more you will become genuinely more interested and interesting and will find sex less boring too.
• Improve your surroundings. Make your bedroom cosier and sexier. Perhaps get a TV or video for the bedroom. Ensure that the room can be warmed up quickly. Get some erotic literature, perhaps some sex toys, and so on.
• Forget about being ‘in the mood’. Many people, women especially, believe that unless they feel ‘romantic’ they shouldn’t have sex. This in itself leads to mounting boredom because there is no one mood in which enjoyable sex can or should take place. Try having sex when you are bored, miserable, angry, sad or quiet as well as when you feel happy or ‘sexy’. This produces new emotions and can be a real eye-opener.
• Stop having sex for a while if it is boring you. Go back to courtship behaviour. Learn to enjoy each other in ways that don’t end in intercourse. Once you have increased your repertoire in this way you will return to sex with a new vigour and certainly be less bored!
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