Is it safe to have sex with only one partner? Maybe. The ideal for many people is to do so. Women and men don’t need to worry about getting sexually transmitted infections:
• if neither partner ever had sex with anyone else
• if neither partner ever shared needles
• if neither partner was ever infected
Most of us have more than one sex partner during our lives. We may not plan it that way, but it happens. We may also get an infection from ne partner and carry it to another. The partners who gave it to us:
• may not have known they were infected
• may have hoped they wouldn’t infect us
• may not have been totally honest about their sexual histories
Some of us have only one partner, but our partner may “cheat.” Many women who got HIV from having sex thought they were their sex partners’ only sex partners.
We may want to give up safer sex because we’ve decided with our sex partners to have sex with no one else. But first we must be sure that neither partner is infected. Some infections, such as HIV, may take 10 years or more before symptoms develop. The early symptoms of many infections may go unnoticed. That’s why mutually monogamous partners must be sure to be tested for sexually transmitted infections before they give up safer sex.
Establishing trust in a sexual relationship is very important. We should be able to talk openly and honestly with our partners about our sexual histories and theirs. We should know whether our partners have had infections, and they should know about any infections we’ve had, before we agree to have unprotected sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, however, nearly one out of three people will lie about their feelings in order to have sex with someone else. A similar number will lie about their sexual histories. Only slightly fewer will lie about whether or not they have HIV!
When it comes to safer sex, we must rely on ourselves, not on our partners. Unless we have a very long, committed relationship that is built on open communication, we are the only people we are absolutely sure we can trust. Believing you are your sex partner’s only sex partner will not make it true. Here are some questions to think over:
• Do I know how my partner spends time away from me?
• Is my partner always open about everything with me—including the past?
• Does my partner get upset if I want to have a “serious” talk about our relationship?
• Does my partner keep secrets from me?
• Does my partner ever say, “I’m just going out,” or, “It’s none of your business”?
• Is my partner always respectful to me?
If you have a relationship that is secretive, has little open communication on serious health issues, and is lacking in equality and respect, you may very well be at risk for sexually transmitted infection.
We all want partners we can trust. The key is to make sure our partners earn our trust. We should never just give it away. Whether or not our partners have HIV won’t matter if we accept responsibility to protect ourselves. We shouldn’t take someone’s word for something so dangerous until we’ve been through an awful lot together—and even then we must be careful.
Women are at greater risk of getting an infection than men are. The vagina and rectum are more easily infected than the penis. A woman’s chance of being infected by a man with HIV is twice as great as a man’s chance of being infected by a woman with HIV.
Moreover, women generally have fewer symptoms than men. They are less likely to know that they are infected. Lots of damage can be done, even if there are no symptoms. Many women develop PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) because they don’t know they have gonorrhea or chlamydia. PID increases the risk of sterility and ectopic pregnancy.
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